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Thursday, August 18, 2005

This ad is on the back page of the Dallas Observer. It's pink with a purple border, with pink hearts surrounding THE LOVE DOCTOR at the bottom as a footline (opposite of headline, get it?). I type verbatim:
"The next president of the United States is looking for a female running mate for life. I am a Christian & when I choose a running mate it will be for life. She must be in an excellent physical condition as I am. I love Asians and I love kissing Asian woman & large lips. My mate must send me to heaven with her kisses. Our lips don't have to connect to kiss sometimes your imagination is better than reality. I want to be cocooned by her. I need an alien Asian woman as a running man. Any beautiful woman will do. I'm 49yrs old in top physical condition, & bench press 245lbs & the reason I don't do more is because the Nona less machines I work on only go to 254lbs. I have a perfect smile as I paid for it. I have porcelain veneers. I have women stopping me in the street who don't know me saying "Do you know you have the perfect smile?" I should I paid $40,000 for it! All I needed the day I went to the dentist was a night guard. My dentist told me that I had ground my teeth right down to the bottom under stress. I could wait and do nothing or get porcelain veneers. If I waited and did nothing, next year I would need 28 root canals and $1000 more than the porcelains per tooth. I had a decision to make & I won't tell you what I decided, but the perfect smile. I am 6"4, Blond Hair, Blue Eyes, extremely articulate. I have a bachelor's degree, and I know the cure to cancer and the common cold. They are food supplements I take now. I will treat my woman like a princess and make her a queen if she wants to be! Ladies with accents will take priority. Seeking ages 17-35. Serious candidates only. All interested candidates call John on 972-804-9933."
Holy shit, John! I'm impressed with the weight you can bench press, considering you're six inches tall. And thanks for that fascinating dentist story! I can tell you're articulate, boy howdy.

Too bad I don't have big lips.
I had to steal this post for my own blog. It made me laugh so hard I embarrassed myself during a rather somber meeting, in which I was only pretending to participate. Nice blog, baby!

This guy has become my hero. It's one thing to take out a personal ad, but it's another to take a full page ad out complete with your dental records.

I'm, seriously, in awe.

It's not a full page; it's only about 7 square inches. But still. Damn.

Wow. Just... wow.

omg this is the funniest shit i've seen in a long time. i seriously need to pick up a copy of the observer more often! :)

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